The Age Gauge

Last week I was interviewed by the vivacious Brittany Begley from WBNS 10TV, for a series they are doing on the challenges of parenting in this day and age.

There will be a different segment each day starting on Monday, July 20, 2015 on the early morning news.

Brittany is a parent of an 8 year old son, so she can relate to the challenges of parenting personally. She had some great questions about about children growing up too fast that I wanted to share:

When should we let kids have a cell phone?

Children really don’t need a cell phone until they are in 8th or 9th grade.

Waiting until they are responsible enough to have a phone also eliminates the challenges associated with social networking.

Although as adults we prefer to have the latest phone, it is not necessary for our children. It’s okay to get them a cell phone that is less expensive and simple. In time they can move up to a more trendy phone once they have proved they deserve it by taking care of their phone (not breaking, losing, or abusing it).

When should we let kids have their own car?

What do you think about taking kids to get a manicure/pedicure?

I think it is appropriate when they can purchase these things themselves.

Taking the responsibility to generate income and save money to buy a car or treat themselves to a manicure builds character, provides a sense of accomplishment and helps your child set goals for themselves.

Having a car or getting a pedicure/manicure are privileges and children need to understand and value the difference between needs and wants. When they pay for those privileges themselves they appreciate, take care of, and value them more.

Would we take our kids to get a massage?

Probably not because getting a massage is a luxury that people buy for themselves as a reward. So why are we taking them to get manicures/pedicures when more appropriate rewards can be just as fulfilling?

When we provide rewards that are extreme, we encourage our children to expect more and feel entitled.

Girls… growing up too fast?

When should they wear makeup, wear contacts, shave their legs?

Here is where we have a big influence on our child’s decision making; children are always looking at our actions and they want to follow in our footsteps.

If they see mom or other women in the family or circle of friends wear excessive makeup then they are likely to want to start wearing makeup early. Each one of these questions are associated with physical necessity, social self-esteem, and self awareness.

In my experience, as a parent coach and previously as an early childhood educator, I discovered some commonalities around children’s behavior and maturity.

I’ve learned that children can be complicated or difficult to understand especially for older parents. After years of education and work, parents become disconnected with their own childhood and find it harder to relate to their young children.

Another difficulty is finding a good balance between parenting, mentoring, and guiding our children to become independent and responsible individuals.

If you are looking to reward your child give them love, compassion, respect, understanding and quality time. Focus on those core values and everything else should be secondary.

For more information about addressing difficult questions, concerns, or challenges or to learn more about the services that Working with Parents provides visit our website at www.ourparentcoach.com.